Whenever I try to open up and improve myself, I inevitably get hurt. I talk to people; They get disgusted by me. I show my hobbies and interests; They say, how can you be interested or enjoy something like this? I reveal my true self and sincerity in front of people; I am labeled as childish and stupid.
When I open the door to the colors and world in my mind to people, they don’t want to see it fully even though they only peeked through it.
I’m tired, I’m exhausted. I no longer have the strength to lift my arm. The only reason I keep going is because the hope inside me is trying to survive like a fire trying to keep burning in the rain.
And actually, what I fear most is not that this fire will go out and I will be left in the dark, but that this fire will never go out and will not make me give up. Even though I’m one step away from darkness, this fire still keeps me in the light. It makes me more tired.
The reason why I can’t get rid of this fatigue is actually entirely for this reason. Not to give up. I try to protect my physical body while fighting a new battle in my mind every day.
I never felt like I belonged to this Earth or this body. I don’t think I will ever feel it. I employ myself out of charity or out of reflex. I don’t know what place I’m looking for or what’s calling me.
Where will my feelings and experiences take me?
Will the living species in my life respect and love me?
Will I find peace, love, happiness and wisdom?
These are the questions that protect my fire of hope.
「Burning Will Of Fire」
Yomitatsu 